all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
