OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
