yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
