i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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