I'm so fucking centered right now
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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