No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
