Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
