Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
