the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
