bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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