Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Randomize
