Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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