I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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