Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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