can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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