was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
The Olympian is in my bed
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
