So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
