so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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