i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
