While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
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Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
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YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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