ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
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