Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
