not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
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