OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
