My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
