Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
