mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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