So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
