John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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