Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
This toilet bowl is my home.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
