It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
