I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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