he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The uberlube is also flammable
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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