new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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