TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
