drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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