I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
