i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
