3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
