and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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