nut hugger
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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