Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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