Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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