Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
