so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
