my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize