i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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