i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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