I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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