New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
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apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
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you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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