Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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