I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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