Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
