So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
