Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
