guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
