I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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