I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
