i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
