I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
