I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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