his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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