Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize