HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
