So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
