the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
